Is your child battling with separation anxiety or depression?

I am a Mind Coach who helps children understand where these feelings are coming from, how they effect both our mind and body in different ways, and most importantly I provide them with ways of dealing with these emotions.

So, if your child is currently in need of some coping techniques for separation from a loved one, here are a few helpful tools to try.

Think about them in a positive way, and to feel connected:

-       A box or scrap book to keep photos, letters, any memories of them with the person they are missing. This can be used to look through together and talk about all the fun and positive times they spent together. Reminding them that the person they miss is always in their thoughts and heart, no matter where they may be.

-       Write letters, draw pictures to the person the are separated from. These letters and drawings do not necessarily need to be sent, this is purely a way of getting thoughts and feelings out in a calmer more controlled manner. It allows the child to feel heard and more at ease with their feelings.

-       Write a note and put into or attach to a balloon, let the child let the balloon go, with a thought that it may reach the person they are wanting to have contact with.

If the child has become overly emotional and finding it hard to bring themselves out of it:

If the child is too upset to talk or to listen, then do not try to reason with them, don’t talk to them, simply remain near them, holding them if they allow it, no words, just reassurance that you are there. This is because in this moment they are unable to hear you clearly or understand what you are saying. Stay with them to keep them safe, body contact if they allow it, and with little talking. This will also help you to remain calm in this situation as you will not feel frustrated that they are not listening or calming down, you can simply ride out the tears or anger with them until you can start to see a little change in their tone, that they are starting to regulate. When you notice this change, it may be in their breathing speed, they might start to talk, or try to engage with you, whatever it may be, once this starts to happen move onto the next step of, emotional regulation.

-       Breathing is number 1: Calm, Controlled, Zen Breathing. Zen breathing is a technique that works every time once mastered. Deep, controlled breathing, letting your tummy gently rise as you breathe in and softly lower as you breathe out. Making sure that the out breath is longer than the in breath.  

-       Once breathing has become slower and more controlled, you can ask the child if they know what made them so sad, what did they think about? Or was it a negative chatter in their head? See if they can tell you, or perhaps drawing it can sometimes be even more beneficial if they like to draw.

-       Once they know what it was that triggered the upset, you can discuss it and reason with it. Then depending on what the trigger was, do a positive task to remind them of the good times they have shared with the person they miss.

The Monkey mind, the chatter we hear in our heads, “I can’t do this”, “I feel sick”, “My body is shaking” and so on…. this appears when the adrenaline in our body becomes too much, causing our heart to race, body shake, sweat, feeling nauseous, (anxious) and the only way to calm this, is through Zen breathing, calm, controlled, deep breaths from your tummy, as mentioned above. Regain control of this anxious feeling, brining mind and body together. When mind and body are locked in together, you can face any challenge, feeling confident, calm and in control.

For more guidance or help, please feel free to contact me on:

Hannah

07825180640, mrshlb26@gmail.com, www.donmacpherson.co.uk